After watching the military segment on GMA today, I recalled my husband’s first homecoming. The anticipation of him returning, the emails and calls of how he missed the kids and I. The moment we seen him march into the gym with the other soldiers. The pride I felt for my hero, my heart was complete again. He pulled me in close, held me tightly, and told me he loved me. Little did I know, the secrets he was hiding.
I’m still here. Taking it one day at a time. Trying to deal with this life I did not ask for. Its been a hell of a year. One that needs to end asap. Actually its been a three year roller coaster.
The move to Hawaii was supposed to be our start over. Work on being a better couple and family. We added two babies to our family. Both pregnancies being difficult.
I always believed in the fairytale of a happy marriage and living happily ever after. I knew he would be my husband the moment I saw him. All those years ago, I still remember the feeling. I guess that is what I am hanging on to.
Over the years, he changed so much. After his deployments to Iraq (twice) and Afghanistan, he became even more broken. He recently told me about an incident involving a relative when he was younger. I was so sad and angry to find out what happened. No child should be hurt by monsters. He has carried this secret all those years. He only told me because I was trying to leave him. Knowing this makes it even harder to leave.
I know I changed over the years, I’m broken, I was molested and raped but I didn’t use that as an excuse to act out sexually. Instead, I don’t trust anybody. I am a private person. I don’t have many friends.
I am extremely protective of my children. I talk to them about the dangers they face in today’s tech world. I am so scared for them to grow up. We talk a lot, hopefully it sinks in. The issues with their dad have been somewhat hidden until these last couple of months. They know whats going on and I know its confusing for them.
I just want my family together and happy. Time is ticking and my husband doesn’t realize he is running out of time.