I don’t fight fair?!

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I can’t just up and leave. I’m on an island and the kids have their schools, they are doing well. I wanted him out of the house. I thought his leadership would keep him away, I told them I didn’t want him home until he received help. So that plan backfired. I’m pissed. I let him have it again. I screamed until I couldn’t anymore. I just want to understand why he does the things he does. Just give me answers. 

I had to get out of the house last night. I could not stand the sight of him. I told him so. He called and text. I didn’t answer back. He has said the same things before. Maybe another car ride tonight.

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4 thoughts on “I don’t fight fair?!

  1. p0rnaddictswife

    He won’t give you the answers you want because he doesn’t have them. He may never have them. It sucks, but I have asked for years and only when I quit asking did I start to find quiet strength. He will say whatever because it has worked before. He will do whatever it takes to draw you back in because that is where he is most comfortable. He needs you to do the same dance because he knows no other for himself. Darling he is self-destructing and you need to protect yourself and your kids.

    I have this mental imagery that I use: my husband is a bomb. I used to run in with the scissors to try to figure out which wire to cut to save him. I always chose the wrong one, so that when he ‘blew up’ (acted out), I also became irrevocable hurt. I finally had enough and stopped rushing in to help. And very slowly started distancing myself. Now I watch him blow up on a regular basis and I am standing far away in a bunker. There are still ripples of hurt, but I remain intact.

    Reply
  2. My Struggles, His Story

    I know it hurts and I know it’s not easy. I know that this may sound useless and impossible. “@kevinqueen: Every human is made in the image of God. Every person is one that Jesus died for. Love shows up when we treat em what they’re worth.” That why you’re perfect even when you’re not treated like it. That’s why even your husband is perfect, even while he’s choosing to live in brokenness. That brokenness is a blessing, even when it feels horrible, because ultimately it’s what breaks us all.

    Reply

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