Emotionally drained…

Craigslist, backpages, dating sites, sexting, online porn, the list seems endless. And still im indecisive on what to do. Five kids later, he doesnt care, doesnt get it, and is not willing to fix our marriage or family. He says I just need to get over it.

He says he doesn’t want a divorce, but he is tired of hearing about this shit everyday. I didn’t mess up, he did. When times got tough, I wasn’t spreading my legs for other men to feel better about myself.

Whats wrong with you husband? Why did/do you cheat? And why did you think it was okay? How can you hurt me over and over? Why are you not sorry? I gave you my everything.

I hate who you became. I hate the skanks you were with. I hate this whole mess you created. You are not the man I married. I am so dissappointed in you. You are loosing the little love that I have left for you.

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7 thoughts on “Emotionally drained…

  1. healingwitheachpassingday

    This sounds like me, minus the five children. I am grateful that I have no children with my husband, a man who clearly has a sex addiction, lacks any degree of self-esteem, and is too without remorse or a sense of sorrow. I am so alone…

    Reply
  2. whisperingsoftness

    The children complicate things. But your sanity, and theirs, isn’t worth what he’s doing. I made mine leave, as hard as that was. But almost immediately I felt better. A huge weight was off my chest. I made a decision about MY future. I’m two months out and every day is better.

    Reply
  3. Samantha Baker

    As long as he continues to have no remorse and expects YOU to get over it, especially without him even trying to work on your marriage or why he sought out other’s, your marriage is doomed. The resentment that you are feeling will only grow. You will continue to suffer and in turn so will your children. He doesn’t want a divorce, but what do YOU want?

    Reply
  4. militarydeservesbetter

    So I thought I would share a bit of a revelation that I’ve recently had, in the hopes that it helps provide some faith. I’ve struggled with similar for a while.

    There is only one sin. Looking anywhere but to God for whatever ails you. It manifests itself in a lot of ways. The 10 commandments are effectively the 10 manifestations of the same sin. Whether it be turning to people (adultery/sex), turning to coveting (idols/worldly objects/money), or turning to anger/control (love thy neighbor). The devil only has one lie. The same lie that caused 1/3 of the angels to fall, eve to take the fruit, my wife to have an affair, and me to struggle with it now. When you begin to look at it that way, it makes sense why the bible says all sin is equal, because it’s all the same sin. The sin didn’t start with an affair, it started well before then. A person caught in sin just keeps tumbling. I’ve been tumbling. Thinking that I haven’t even been sinning along the way (not by societies standards anyways). It’s deep, and it’s powerful. My wife actually left me this week. She’s back to all the ways of old. Ironically, I was blessed with this just a few hours after she left. I am not mad at her, I feel sorry and sad for her. For the first time in a long time. I realize that even if she hasn’t had another affair, she’s stuck in the same sin already, and it’s nothing more than looking to the world to fix her unhappiness rather than God. The power in God is He won’t change the circumstances necessarily, but He will change your outlook. Stay faithful and diligent. Read the Bible especially when you don’t want to. Pray when it’s the hardest. Go to church when it feels hopeless. He’s always speaking, you just have to make sure you’re open to listening. Good luck and I’ll say a prayer for you.

    Reply
    1. militarydeservesbetter

      “if someone is caught in sin, RESTORE them GENTLY, and be careful or you too may fall”

      How do you restore someone gently? You don’t. Only Christ has the power to restore man. The answer, get out of the way. Stop trying to help, stop trying to fix, stop worrying about whether they’ve been restored or are worse. Just get out of the way and Love them. Let Christ love them through you. I was under this impression that I needed to be like Christ as a Christian. I just need to let Him in, and let Him work through me, and stifle the me. All the nastiness goes away. It’s powerful.

      Reply
  5. Kim Raya

    I agree with the previous statements from “militarydeservesbetter”. It may seem hard to do, but you should turn it all over to God. Also, have you thought about a trial separation? I don’t mean to impose, but it seems you have based your whole identity on your husband. Take a few days, grieve, and yes…get over it, but that doesn’t mean you should keep yourself and your children in a toxic environment.

    When I say, “get over it”, I don’t mean it in the same way as your unfaithful spouse. I would never trivialize one’s pain in such a way. It means grieve for your broken marriage, then map out a plan for yourself and your kids. Most of all, get your identity back. What your spouse has done isn’t about you, it’s about him and the fact that he isn’t remorseful and probably will never be. It may be that he doesn’t want a divorce because you’ve always been there, so why mess up a good thing? Don’t leave your fate in the hands of someone who couldn’t care less.

    I was still in love with my abusive Ex when I left him. It was one of the hardest things to do at the time. Now, me and my children are in a much better place. Oh, and my pastor told me that God would never expect us to stay in a marriage where one spouse has abused the other (which could be in different forms), especially that said spouse doesn’t have any plans to change. Ask yourself, do you really want to stay in a painful situation? That isn’t what life is about. You deserve happiness. Don’t wait until you’re older and realize your days are numbered, and you’re too old to do anything with your life.

    Reply

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